Alive No More
by YuriCherie
Summary: It was the two of them in his beginning, what cruel irony for them to be at his end as well. (Spoilers up to Retrace 92)
1. Chapter 1

He did not quite sense the passing of time before a glimmer of light greeted his eyes.

No.

'Eye' now.

There was nothing in the other cave. Nothing but emptiness, the throbbing pain in it every time he tried to breath, and the warm, red, sinister liquid he used to soak his sword with gushing out from his own eye socket.

The cold air seemed to penetrate what torn flesh left inside and strike right at his skull.

With great effort, he managed to open his right eye without making the other half of his face feel like it had been ripped apart (again). He found himself in a spacious hall with a lavishly sculpted gate made of gold and a domed ceiling.

This was not the Abyss, it did not reek of madness. Then was he back in the human realm?

Unfathomable. The incuse had completed its cycle, and he was dragged into the hellish dimension from stories he never believed.

At least not until they happened before his very eyes and wrenched one out.

"Alice...!" he tried to growl, but let out a weak cough instead.

He wanted to end that detestable girl. He wanted to shove his sword into her mesmerising violet eye and watch her suffer the same agony, then carve that sickening smile off of that lovely, pale face.

But if... if she had really changed the past for him, if she had saved his master and the rest from that terrible massacre, then this was a measly price to pay.

_I must go... confirm whether my master is saved...! _

His hand was the only part he could move. In this state, it would be impossible to even take a single step.

"This way! Please hurry!" he heard a distant shouting voice. "Someone collapsed over here, covered in blood!"

With his blurred vision, he saw her. The blonde little girl who was the only reason he had to carry on. The only reason for him to come back. "My lady..." he mouthed, unable to speak. A wave of relief overwhelmed him nonetheless, knowing that she was still here, knowing that he hadn't failed her as well.

He slowly adjusted his vision.

It was not her.

The caramel-haired girl probably noticed him staring, she tugged at the sleeve of the boy next to her and shied behind him.

_I... must run... I cannot risk being recognised...! _

_I must go find... my lady..._

"A-are you alright, good sir...?" the little girl approached him with caution, "Can you see me...? Can you hear me? Can you move? Do you remember your name?" the little girl bombarded him with questions, each one with more urgency than the previous.

_Putting that aside, please... please tell me whatever you know about the Sinclair Dukedom...! _

He parted his lips in another attempt to speak, which unfortunately resulted in a great deal of crimson spurting out from his missing eye.

She probably saw it, as she covered her mouth to muffle a horrified scream, "Oh my goodness! Please do try to stay awake! We'll... we'll get you help soon!"

_There is... no need... Please... just tell me about... the Sinclair House... _

He tried in vain to say that out loud before slipping into unconsciousness again.

* * *

He thought it really was the end. But he woke up again a day later, he woke up in this revolting world he abhorred.

Ah, no, wait. He must first confirm whether the past was changed. There was still hope.

The Duchess summoned him as soon as he was strong enough to walk. He only answered 'Kevin' when she asked for his name, and immediately asked for information regarding the Sinclair Dukedom.

"The Sinclair Dukedom...?" the Duchess seemed uncertain, "Oh my... how should I break this to you?"

Annihilated. All of them.

He dared to inquire about the youngest lady of the household, the only one who should have lived, the only glimmer of hope he had held onto through all those weeks and months of the constant stench of blood and the lingering image of detached heads, despite expecting the answer to be one he never wanted to hear.

His wish had been granted. The entire Sinclair House had lived for four more years. But the result was the same. He was still unable to be by his master's side because he was catapulted more than thirty years into the future.

But the young lady he was supposed to protect, the young lady who was supposed to survive... was alive no more.

_That damned Intention of the Abyss...! _

But she could not have known. Not even she had the power to morph the future into the one he had desired.

It was his fault for being so foolish.

He only had himself to blame for her demise.

Perhaps he was the most revolting one of all.

And Alice's wish. Because of the deal they made — not that he had had much of a choice — he was now stuck with a vermin who'd suck him dry of life sooner or later known as the Mad Hatter.

If he was going to die anyways, why not do it now? He had nothing to live for anymore. All that was left for him in this world was emptiness and pain — just like his eye socket.

He thrusted his fingers inside, and immediately the blood splashed onto his fingers. It felt like half of his face was ripped apart again...

...and it was refreshing.

_How much blood must I shed in order to repent for all that I've done? _

_I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! _

_So please...! Come back to life... come back to me..._

People tried to get him to stop. People tried to treat his wound again.

He pushed them away.

_Do NOT associate yourself with me! Much less try to save me! None of you understands! _

And they all gave up on him eventually.

_Just let me bleed! Let me writhe in agony! Let me die!_

He was just a random nobody at his last gasp when the young lady happened upon him.

Then why?

"I told you to stop scratching it! Otherwise it will start bleeding again!" the young boy lectured him, arms akimbo.

_I told you to shut up! _

"Come play with me, Kevin-niisan!" the little lady invited him merrily.

_Leave me alone! _

"Say, Kevin, do you wish to die?"

_Yes! Yes I do! So don't stand in my way! _

Why had they not cast him aside like the despicable monster he was?

He never asked for this. He never asked for empathy, or warmth, or salvation. Yet they offered all those to him nonetheless.

He lived, because of them.

He must continue to suffer, because of them.

He must continue to stay alive, while longing for the day when he would finally be freed from this world.

He wondered if he could even call himself 'alive'.

* * *

He had waited far too long for this day.

Xerxes Break was aware that the fire of his life had already burnt out.

That was... to be expected. It was a fact that could not be changed, nor needed to be changed to begin with. He had everything properly worked out now. He had lived plenty.

Enough to witness Sharon grow up into an independent young woman and Reim into a responsible young man (who was the perfect scapegoat when Break had unfinished paperwork).

Enough to unearth the truth to the Tragedy of Sablier.

Enough to have been able to meet Gilbert and Oz and Alice, those brats were annoying but endlessly amusing.

Enough to have the White Alice's wish relayed to another, who would surely grant it soon.

Enough to open up a path Oz and the others must advance on, enough to say "take care" for the final time with his signature smile.

He had certainly lived plenty. Plenty to say he was tired. It was high time to depart. He had the stage all set for his flawless curtain call without an audience.

...it wasn't enough.

"...ak...! BREAK!" It was Sharon's voice, sprinting at him as fast as her feet allowed, with Reim in toll.

Why...? He had always wanted to die, why was he only getting second thoughts now? He had had more than 15 years' worth of time and opportunities, why were there still things he desired to do?

Launching himself at the both of them with all his strength, his head slumped onto their shoulders. He accused them of forcing him to live for 15 extra years in this damned world, one that constantly reminded him of his foolishness without the existence of the Sinclair Dukedom.

"Can you... even imagine... how much I suffered...!? How much... it pained me... every breath I take...!?"

Reim turned away, not knowing how to respond. Sharon buried her head in Break's shoulder, crying out a muffled "Please…!"

It was just unfair. He had but one wish — to look good and face his end alone, so that nobody would shed needless tears for him, so that his final memory of everyone would be the peppy talks of hopes and futures and tea parties to come they had had before the battle commenced. And the two of them just had to come ruin everything!

His croaky sobs betrayed him, crushing his pretence of anger. Somewhere deep within his heart, he thanked the both of them for coming to him, for making him feel like he was not a monster or a spectre, that he was someone worth crying over.

He deserved none of it. Not the joy in meeting the two of them. Not the warmth in getting to know Mistress Shelly. Not the entertaining times bequeathed to him since encountering Gilbert, Oz and Alice.

And certainly not the right to say "I... don't want to... die."

He wanted to see the world revert to its normal state. He wanted to fight alongside Oz and the others. He wanted to witness the wish of the Intention of the Abyss being granted. He wanted to put on his smuggest face when Vincent realise that he should thank him for saving his life. He wanted to have Emily cleaned and fixed up properly. He wanted to do the paperwork and not push it onto Reim for once. He wanted to return home with Sharon.

He wanted to attend that tea party.

"I... want our time... together... to continue..."

It was greedy of him. How could he ask for so much when he was already granted far more than he deserved?

"I... still... want to... be here..."

Such delusions. He could sense his strength slipping away, he could feel his heart slowing down.

He was going to die, like how he had always longed to.

Humans are such foolish creatures, they never cherish before they learn of loss. They never look at all the wonders in front of their very eye(s) before they are blinded. They never tell the truth before it's too late.

"Sharon... Reim..." he rasped with his last ounce of strength. It was the two of them in the beginning, what cruel irony for them to be at his end as well.

_I pray — if a vermin like me is allowed to pray — for them to live out the rest of their lives in the sun's embrace. I pray for all the joy and love they have blessed me with to be repaid to them. _

"Tha...nk... you..."

His lifeless fingers brushed against the floor. Finally he was freed from this world he had despised so much, blissfully sliding into eternal repose in the arms of those he loved.


	2. Chapter 2

"Good day, Xerxes."

He opens his eye. There is light, and beauty.

"Did you have a pleasant dream?" she asks, running a hand through his hair.

He nods, deciding to remain on her lap.

"Thanks to the words you had given me, I had dreamt of such wonders for 15 long years."

* * *

**The End**


End file.
